


the only three you need

by linovuitts



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: BUT I HAVE DECIDED TO REVIVE IT HERE, Dirty Jokes, Explicit Language, Implied Past Trauma, Kissing, M/M, Sexual Content, Sexual Humor, and lots of kissing, im so sad this was a hit on twt but i lost the motivation huhu, its mature bc theres only minimal sex scenes here, its really more on the sex ed here so if u uncomfy then please dont read!, minors go away, please please PLEASE pay attention to the tags ok, this is a textfic au derived from my twt au !, will be adding future tags here so always keep this on the lookout hihi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-15 02:13:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29676822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/linovuitts/pseuds/linovuitts
Summary: wherein three freelancer sex counselors run a free sex counseling account on twitter, and three clients turn their lives around for the worse, or for the better.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Han Jisung | Han/Hwang Hyunjin, Kim Seungmin/Seo Changbin, Lee Felix/Seo Changbin
Kudos: 19





	the only three you need

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: i do not own stray kids. they belong to jyp entertainment. i only own the plot. this concept was inspired by the netflix series sex education, therefore i will try my best to remain as accurate as possible with this fic. i will do my research on topics to be discussed here. please let me know if i'm doing anything inaccurate! 
> 
> NOTE: please always check the tags every update! if you are 17 and below, i advice you yet again not to read this fic. you have been warned.

**00 ☆ A PRELUDE TO FATE**

> : wherein chan, jisung, and changbin don’t know what seungmin has in stored for them

  
  


**4some**

manager meong   
hello hello just dropped by to give you all the schedules !

  
  
paper sex   
oh goodie do i have one im really bored i havent done a single thing all day

u-turn chin  
are u serious ji i told you to proofread the lyrics i sent you

paper sex  
AND I DID! there wasn’t really any proofreading to do honestly i was done in less than five mins

oh yeah hyung how did it go?

manager meong  
chan-hyung’s finishing up his own appointment right?

u-turn chin  
yep, he should be about done in about 15 mins? but yeah i’m a lttle tired from mine so just wake me up if i have another one 💔

paper sex  
DO I HAVE ONE

manager meong  
ok lets see so unfortunately you three have last appointments before we make the cutoff for today   
although i have a few clients who would like to settle appointments with you three tomorrow, but lets settle that later 

paper sex  
 **@u-turn chin** wake your ass up

u-turn chin  
mfjdjjs  
NO

manager meong  
its ok binnie i’ll wake you up before your final appointment

u-turn chin  
you are an angel babe ily

paper sex  
so this is what it feels like to third wheel. how does chan-hyung do it

manager meong  
he just does. its in his nature

sleep-deprived virgin  
i come back from my appointment to see this slander ouch im hurt  
and yes, ji, thats what third wheeling feels like 🙂🙂🙂

paper sex  
mom im scared

manager meong  
lmao ANYWAY ho channie-hyung i was just telling the boys about your final appointments for today!

sleep-deprived virgin  
aight hit me up i’ve taken two shots of espresso and i’m pretty more alive than ever

manager meong  
so for jisung, you have a 5:30pm appointment with a guy named jung jaeseok, chan-hyung you have a 6pm one with park sunmin, and binnie has a 6pm one with kim jaewon 

paper sex  
YAY OK time to put my skills to the test again 😎

sleep-deprived virgin  
sounds great. i have a bit more time to snack then

manager meong  
i’ll give you all the little background info on the three in a short bit, but i’d like to talk to you three about three very interesting appointments tomorrow 

paper sex  
im intrigued 

sleep-deprived virgin  
how interesting are we talking?

manager meong  
i’m talking dancer and model-worthy 

paper sex   
i’m sorry what now 

sleep-deprived virigin  
i mean we’ve had a few celebs as our clients one time

manager meong  
but you’re gonna LOVE this one guys  
im talking maybe  
lee minho, hwang hyunjin, and lee felix type of interesting 😌

paper sex  
…….holy shit

sleep-deprived virgin   
are you actually kidding us seungmin

manager meong  
YES YOU GUYS WILL BE HAVING THOSE THREE AS YOUR CLIENTS!!!!!  
im amazing i know 😌✋

paper sex  
HOW 

sleep-deprived virgin  
WHEN

u-turn chin   
WHAT

  
  


“Tomorrow is going to be...something else.” Chan laughs at particularly nothing, just perhaps taken aback by the news given to him. He thinks that it’s something that isn’t going to be anything so special. It’s just three big-shots, all devilishly charming and charismatic with a tinge of passion running as their fuel 24/7. This is going to be simple, Chan thinks to himself, and lets the time run its course before his 6PM appointment starts, deciding to indulge himself in some pineapple juice to get his body moving. 

“I don’t know what the big deal is between Chan-hyung and Jisung,” Changbin shrugs, slamming the refrigerator shut and walking towards Seungmin with two cans of root beer, “I mean, it’s just two models and a dancer. ‘When you say it that way, something’s bound to happen to you, bitch.’ Like alright, Jisung, seriously. How bad can it be?” He then slumps beside his boyfriend and clicks the can open, bumping his with Seungmin’s for good measure before taking a huge chug, one where his boyfriend shakes his head fondly at the gesture before chugging along with him. 

“Timeline asleep?” Meanwhile, Jisung types frantically on his phone, burying himself under all the blankets as if the people he least expects to see at this hour would just come knocking straight at his door (not that anybody would drop by, anyway). “Okay, I cannot have my ex-boyfriend as my client. This can’t happen.” After topping it off with two crying emojis, he presses ‘Send Tweet’ and immediately exits his private account, finding his Twitter time to be over for the time being. It’s silent in his bedroom at that moment with only Jisung’s thoughts being the loudest noise on all corners. He shuffles his bedsheets until he can finally see his ceiling, and he just stares up at it, pensive, worried. _This seriously cannot be happening to me._

  
  


* * *

**press f for felix in the chat 😩**

  
  


f for flex   
need i fucking remind you guys that its supposed to say “press f in the chat for felix”  
i think you’ve got it all wrong 😔

baked weasel with lemon  
sure flex   
you like the attention

f for flex  
IT WAS A TYPO LET ME LIVE   
AND NO I DO NOT 

exotic catman  
then why did you pursue modeling again 🤥

f for flex  
…… because i like the attention 

baked weasel with lemon  
exactly what i said ugh you ALWAYS deny me felix

f for flex  
I NEVER DENY YOU

baked weasel with lemon  
KAHDJSJ YOU JUST DID IT AGAIN  
YOU DENIED THAT YOU ALWAYS DENY ME

f for flex   
THAT DOESN’T EVEN MAKE ANY SENSE

baked weasel with lemon  
MAKE IT MAKE SENSE

yangley jeonquinn  
this conversation is stupid what’s up victoria’s secret models + minho-hyung

exotic catman  
i don’t know if i should be offended that im just an addition or grateful that you called me hyung

yangley jeonquinn  
are you not my hyung? should i just stick to calling you minho then? 

exotic catman  
i--since when have you ever called me minho?

yangley jeonquinn  
behind your back

exotic catman  
this bitch

f for flex  
who shat on your breakfast this morning, yang?

baked weasel with lemon  
really, lixie? WHO?

f for flex  
****what

yangley jeonquinn  
nothing ugh its just my stupid brother again…

exotic catman  
chan? bang chan? what about chan? is chan alright? what did chan do?   
chan?????

f for flex  
hyung i think you dropped something

f for flex

  


exotic catman  
shut up lee

f for flex  
which lee there are two lees in here 😌

baked weasel with lemon  
how about YOU TWO SHUT UP  
whats wrong innie baby 😞

yangley jeonquinn  
i mean like chan-hyung’s just doing his job, i know, but he has to realize that he’s driving me insane with all these classmates of mine coming to me at random places going like  
“it’s my first time having anal sex and i’m scared” or “i can’t dirty talk and my partner wants me to dirty talk” or “i orgasm while thinking about my teacher”  
LIKE PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD I AM A PSYCHOLOGY MAJOR, NOT A SEX COUNSELOR   
you know the first person who comes up to me and asks me about psych stuff i will rejoice in the name of all things above i will get down on one knee for them and ask them to marry me

exotic catman  
that is a toughie, innie. how did you handle them?

yangley jeonquinn  
i all told them to go contact my brother. ugh, i might as well put a flyer in my college for my brother’s line of work 

baked weasel with lemon  
huh, what does your brother do again? 

yangley jeonquinn  
sex counseling, obviously. did you not read the messages 🙄

baked weasel with lemon  
NO I MEAN elaborate???

exotic catman  
is the hwang hyunjin interested in sex counseling 👁👄👁

baked weasel with lemon  
maybe i am 

f for flex  
!?&@?!*&?!**&*@?&  
HYUNJIN

baked weasel with lemon  
FELIX

yangely jeonquinn  
yeah jinnie-hyung why are you interested?

baked weasel with lemon  
um well  
this is going to sound so stupid omg

yangley jeonquinn  
you dont have to say if you’re uncomfy!! i can just set up a word for ya 

baked weasel with lemon  
omg really innie? you’re an angel tysm 😭

yangley jeonquinn  
yeah yeah what about you **@f for flex @exotic catman** ? have sexual problems that need resolving?   
or hopefully just feelings to sort out in general because i would be so glad to help you with that 😬

exotic catman  
thanks for the offer jeonginnie, we’ll def hit you up for anything  
but as of now hmm  
count me in

baked weasel with lemon  
what   
minho-hyung you literally have no sex-related problem whatsoever

exotic catman  
of course i do!!! do you take me for a virgin 😤  
no offense lixie 

f for flex  
no offense taken

yangley jeonquinn  
OHHH I KNOW WHAT THIS IS ABOUT  
you just wnat to see my brother don’t you?

baked weasel with lemon  
OOF

f for flex  
HYUNG!!!!

baked weasel with lemon  
YOU’RE FINALLY SHOOTING YOUR SHOT? 

exotic catman  
I DIDN’T SAY THAT 😫  
christ just set me up with an appointment with him or something

baked weasel with lemon  
this is going to be interesting boys

yangley jeonquinn  
just a heads up: my brother is a virgin 😌

exotic catman  
um okay firstly why and secondly did i ask?

yangley jeonquinn  
take it or leave it  
anyway hbu lixie-hyung?

f for flex  
uhhhh

baked weasel with lemon  
CMON BOKKIE IT’LL BE FUN!! 

f for flex  
define fun????  
i really don’t think i need advice haha im good on my own 

yangley jeonquinn  
aww are you sure, hyung? my brother’s work isn’t just about sex counseling, you know! i think one of them specializes more on the romantic part of sex

f for flex  
oh...really?

yangley jeonquinn  
mhm! maybe he can help you with whatever’s happening with you 😊

f for flex  
hm

exotic catman  
we can pay for you if you’d like?

baked weasel with lemon  
yeah! just join us lixie pwetty pwease??? 😚

f for flex  
oh whatever fine

baked weasel with lemon  
YES!!!!  
SEX COUNSELING HERE WE GO!

**Author's Note:**

> check out my [ twitter ](https://twitter.com/JILUSTS) or drop a [ cc! ](https://curiouscat.me/BLISSJINS)
> 
> link to the au: [ here! ](https://twitter.com/JILUSTS/status/1270778988516921344)


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